I've spent a lifetime (like you have, I'm sure) trying to squeeze into cracks and crevices I don't fit in.
Too tight pants
Cute shoes that don't fit but I "couldn't Walk" away from
Pants I couldn't sit in that cut off my ability to breathe - (which by the way I realized I needed to live and talk to people)
Worst of all, I consistently tried to fit in with women and other circles that left me feeling even more inadequate and alone. I would do anything to feel accepted - everything EXCEPT be myself.
Believe it or not, there was a time in my life where lipstick, foundation and having every hair in place was THE farthest thing from my mind. I was determined to NOT look good just so I could keep from drawing added attention to myself.
I had grown accustomed to "shrinking" so I wouldn't make others feel uncomfortable. Thing is it often left no room for me to feel comfortable with myself.
It became a cycle until I got so sick. I could no longer care for myself by myself... and that's when the truth hit me.
It wasn't what others said or what I was told as a child - what was happening was happening because I was continually telling myself that I don't belong. I had to own the responsibility for my actions and words while being accountable. Only then was I at the beginning of feeling free.
Once I got a taste of that freedom, I set out on showing everyone I knew, loved and worked with that they didn't have to fit in either. The space you are in my friend was carved out for you and if no one else has told you, I'm here to say it - It's enough.
If you don't [FIT IN] keep it up.